Is Experience Really The Best Teacher.

"Experience is the best teacher."

I've been hearing that statement since I was born. For the longest time, I lived by it. I believed that you had to go through something to truly learn from it. But lately, I’ve been unlearning that belief because honestly, it’s a scam. A very big one.

You don’t have to be in a situation to learn from it.

What happened to learning from other people’s experiences?

What happened to reading books whether self-help or fiction or listening to podcasts, or watching YouTube videos filled with wisdom?

Most of the knowledge I have today, I learnt the hard way, through pain, through trial, through moments I wish I could forget. And looking back, I can tell you, it’s all bullshit!!!!

Just today, two of my lecturers said, "Experience is never the best teacher." And it hit me, this belief is not universal. It’s subjective. It’s relative.

Think about it. If you don't know what a manipulator looks like or how to identify one, should your next step be to spend time with one just so you can learn?

You don’t need to walk through fire just to understand that it burns. You don’t have to touch poison to know it’s toxic. So why do we think pain is the only pathway to wisdom?

Until a few months ago, I used to treat myself like an experiment. I know it sounds stupid, but I genuinely wanted to learn. So I would consciously put myself in bad situations just to see how I would navigate them, to test my intelligence, my emotional strength, or sometimes my naivety. It sounded smart in theory… until the healing process began. Until I had to pick up the shattered pieces of myself after each “lesson.” It was not easy and I blamed myself each time because I could have avoided it but no I deliberately walked into it.

I wanted a story. I wanted to feel something. I wanted to have scars I could point to proof that I had lived. I wanted a grass to grace story like the ones successful people tell on podcasts, like pain was a prerequisite for greatness.

Sometimes, I did things for the plot.

And well... the rest is history.

The thing is, I used to think watching others suffer wasn’t enough. I thought I needed to feel what they felt to understand it. But now I see how reckless that was. Because sometimes you don’t survive the lesson. And even when you do, you’re left with wounds that take years to close.

I think people cling to the idea because it’s cultural and Generational. Our forefathers probably passed it down because they genuinely believed that pain was the price for fulfillment. But I’m starting to question that. What if joy could teach too? What if softness was a form of strength?

If I could go back, I’d tell my younger self,

That’s all bullshit. You can be happy and learn. You can be soft and learn. You don’t need experience, because what if you don’t survive it. What if you die from the experience.

In secondary school, even my teachers bullied me for being too sensitive. They mocked my emotions, told me I was “too soft,” like it was something to be ashamed of. And I believed them. I thought maybe they were right that if I wasn’t so emotional, I’d be stronger. That if I hardened up, maybe life would hurt less. They said really hard words and actually made me question if I would survive life and that was why I decided to put it to the test.

But looking back, I see how wrong that was. My emotions weren’t weakness and they never will be, they were signals. And I shouldn’t have had to trade my softness just to survive.

I realized something heavy, I didn’t love myself back then. If I did, I wouldn’t have willingly walked into pain just to grow wise.

So to anyone reading this especially if you're standing on the edge of something harmful, telling yourself “at least I’ll learn from it” let me say this with all the love in my heart, and all the experience in my soul.

STOP.

YOU DON'T NEED PAIN!!!!

It will only destroy you, if not controlled. Be soft, it's easier.